DMiP Task 2 – Velociraptor Safety Training

Velociraptors

An Introduction

Many people believe that the Velociraptor was a pack hunter, forming small hunting parties with one alpha pair, and several lesser males and females.  It is also believed that they had a fairly large brain capacity, which allowed them to work together to catch prey using sophisticated flanking maneuvers.  The danger from the Velociraptor does not come from one animal, but from the group.

For more information please visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Velociraptor

Biological Attributes (stats)

Velociraptors grow up to 2 meters in length, can stand over 8 feet in height, and can leap over 9 meters.  This extreme distance is easily traversed because the adult Velociraptor only weighs about 15kg.  They have also been found to have feathers along their arms in certain places, suggesting that they evolved from or into birds.

They weapons are numerous, ranging from 8inch claws on their hind legs, to powerful serrated jaws, from their deadly agility and speed, to the pack hunting tactics that killed so many people in the Jurassic Park films.

This deadly claw was discovered last week, embedded in the chest of another unfortunate victim lacking in Velociraptor protection training.

The Truth

Many people are still unaware of the very real dangers from Raptor attack.  The government has tried to cover up the truth, but a few of us know the truth, Velociraptors aren’t extinct.

Recently a Raptor attack occurred in the west of Wales, Uk.  The Raptors first victim, Oliver Dubacq Rose, was brutally eaten, the Raptor obviously hungry, left only his stunned head as proof of identity.  The raptor was caught on CCTV however, and a warrent for its arrest has been issued.  If you see this Raptor in the street, either tearing flesh or in human disguise, call the police immediatly.

This Raptor is considered highly dangerous and is known to hide in the company of other Velociraptors such as Rupert Murdoch and Bill Gates.

The other issue with Raptor attack of course, is that the victims don’t die, they turn.

Safety Tips

We asked our resident Raptor safety expert, Dr Alan Grant, to give a talk on safety and Velociraptor awareness, to which he kindly produced this video.

We leave you now, with a copy of our guide to Annalising a shelter as possible Velociraptor attack refuge.  Please use it.

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About opinionatedalex

Less opinionated than one might think.
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7 Responses to DMiP Task 2 – Velociraptor Safety Training

  1. C & R says:

    Ok,

    Well I certainly feel a hell of a lot safer about the Raptor situation. My house has been kitted up with a Dr Alan Grant Raptor safety kit. I thought it would include more than raptor ‘resonating chamber’ but he reckons that is all I need.

    Does Oliver Debacq Rose need an extension?

    Nice fun post. Did the scheduling work fine for you?

    Try getting some tags on your posts too.

    So when other are frantically searching for inside info to help fight back to Raptor baddies they can find the post they need.

    Remember to try and keep your blog updated with posts about other tasks you have been doing in other modules.

    C.Carbin

    • Thanks for the feedback guys, I had originally written this post about Frank Zappa, but then the girlfriend suggested Velociraptors for a laugh so I re-wrote it. Glad you enjoyed it.
      The scheduling worked no problem for me and I am aware of how to put tags on a post, I simply keep forgetting. I shall add some now!
      Also I keep putting time aside to update my blog with the module posts I am missing from our other lectures, however as you can see it still hasn’t happened, however I will update it all very soon.

      Alex (of the opinionated variety)

  2. Pingback: Happy Velocipaptor Awareness Day | Mouse in my Pocket

  3. sami says:

    Gina Davis is also a velociraptor. Not many people know, but my friends and I found out the hard way when she came to our school. A few people were selected to meet her, including one of our friends, and she never came back…

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